the butterfly returns

a very lovely friend said 'write and release'.. well it wasn't exactly in those words but im sure yall get the point hehe

wow i cant believe i actually just shut it down, sent the dump letter and bid adieu to my chocolate diaries. I allowed my paranoia and extreme desire for privacy to let me feel exposed and open. which is funny because no one forced me to write a blog or to share my thoughts.. a funny oxymoron way of thinking..

looking over all the posts from the past though have tickled, churned, and jogged my tummy. some posts however have made me remember things better left forgotten, but all in all its nice to see where i once was, and where i am now. how beautiful it is to overcome, grow, and all in all move on..

so! okay im glad to be back and look forward to an expression of chocolaty yumminess once more.. shout outs to the lady who speaks 1st! my rebirth is dedicated to u..

hmm side thought.. i think ill call my next post the rebirth hehe :D

words can't explain.............

Every time i try to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I'm reminded how much it does.. little insignificant things remind me, but the point is i'm still reminded.
almost even blamed myself because of the confusion, scratching my brain to comprehend my illusions.
If I lie and say I'm over the disappointment, I would only be be fooling myself. Everyday that passes and Its just more silence it feels sadder and sadder to me.
everyday I look to see if maybe there will be a change or attempt, but nope guess my little life isn't important.
How quickly things change
How abrupt things end
what happens when you've said all you can say?

YOU ARE LOVE

I stare in you

I feel in you

I share in you

I submerge in you

I crave in you

I shine in you

I feed in you

I am in you

You are love!

experiences

..... so im watching some soldier movie and it has me thinking about things..

Its so weird how you can be in the same environment with other people and have no idea what they feel or have experienced. I mean i was in the USAF for 4yrs but i watch this movie and im as lost as the next person who doesn't even know what USAF stands for.. im like wow some of these folks are really jacked up, what was so different from their experience and mine??
i dont wake up sweating..
i don't have problems sleeping..
its not hard to adapt in the "real" world
etc...etc...
shit i barely even think about it...most people dont even know i ever did it..
i live like it never happened..just a simple phase in life..

High school..
was i a geek or something?? cuz i sure as helll dont have the kind stories some people do..
im like was my high school just lame or was i lame *confused*
i mean i played sports i was popular but errrrrr only thing i can remember was maybe a cpl crushes etc..
come to think of it, most of my experiences that were interesting during high school, had nothing to do with high school. it was outside of it.. actually same goes for the military too. I just lived a double life and separated the two.

hmm life and all its experiences!!

Therapy

Girlfriends

Sun Shine

Swimming

Popsicles

Pizza

Wine

chocolates..

Yes this is THERAPY!

So I had all this yesterday and boy was it worth it..

Think this needs to become a weekly/bi-weekly routine for the summer.

silence

I have nothing to say.....

I am surrounded by noise........

and all I need is SILENCE!

I have nothing to prove.....

U have nothing to gain................

So why cant all of you just be SILENT!

Do u like the sound of your voice..............

or the way it deals............

Have u learned the art of SILENCE!

I wont say to much................

there's not much to say...........

from now on, ill just be SILENT!

Midnight cravings Pt2 (hello ty)

12:43am

tic - toc

tic - toc

tic - toc

I look at you, looking at me.

With that same look you did early this morning.

tic - toc

once again my midnight cravings have come to haunt me, taunt me, and make my night miserable...

I see how u tease me

laugh at me cuz im so weak

you're just like my chocolate diary

smooth and sweet

let me pour out all my frustrations

not saying a word or a peep...

tic - toc

tic - toc

Actually its turned into soft buzzes the sound soothing my ears to sleep.

indulging in my midnight craving is such a beautiful thing.

tic - toc

12:51am

yea.. :)